Is it THAT Hard to Assign a Frickin Seat?

I swear, Southwest must really hate its customers. First, they subject them to the most inhumane boarding process on the planet, by requiring that people actually line-up according to the "letter" on their boarding card. If you have group "A", then you get to board first. Group "B" boards second, and so on. This seems like it would work, in theory, but if you've ever flown Southwest, you realize that as soon as they start letting the "A" group board, EVERYBODY crowds the front of the gate, boarding letter be damned, and the gate agents are forced to become bouncers as they kick away arrogant and clueless "B" and "C" listers from trying to board early. It's complete pandemonium that would make the WWE proud.

But, I suppose that this chaotic storm of despair wasn't enough for the executives at Southwest, so they decided so spice things up a bit by not only still requiring the letter cards, but to add numbers to them as well! So instead of just a card with an "A" on it, for example, there will be another number on your card to tell you YOUR specific location in the "A" group. "A-1", "A-13", for examples.

Once again, in theory, this seems like it might be a good idea, as it should force people to line up like decent human beings in an orderly fashion, but if Southwest customers can't even comprehend the simple concept of "A", "B", and "C", as they prove time and time again on each flight that they can't, just how in the world is it going to be any better when you require them to do any sort of mathematical thinking on top of it?

Southwest supposedly tested this system and says that it worked great, but they also said the previous system worked great, too, and I, for one, can tell you that it didn't. But the bottom line is, they go through all this rigamarole to get people on board in an orderly fashion, but I can't help but wonder just how hard it is to assign seats? Isn't that infinitely better when you are trying to board a plane? You let the back-row people enter the plane first, then the mid-row people, then the front-row folks. That seems so logical, but apparently there is no such thing as logic at Southwest, but it sure seems they have a wicked sense of humor!

The Chief Executive Customer Has Been Hired!

...and for only four hundred million stock options, a twenty million dollar per year salary, and a pension that will drain the economy for years! And what kind of performance guarantee are you going to get for all your money? NONE! Ha ha! Oh, isn't the business word just peachy!

OK, enough of the crap, the real reason for this blog isn't to flaunt the unaccountable excesses of the corporate criminal world, as blogs, websites, movies, and Enron have been doing that for years. The REAL purpose of this blog is to point out really, really STUPID decisions by businesses, and the reasons WHY they are stupid. The point isn't just to make fun of the hapless CEOs and business owners of this world, but to help steer them in the right direction so they can actually learn from their mistakes.

And what makes me qualified for such a role? I have the BEST qualification of all, I'm a customer! If I don't like it, I'm not spending my money! And since I have just that right amount of cynicism and neurosis to determine the flaws of others, I have appointed MYSELF to the position of CHIEF EXECUTIVE CUSTOMER! God help you all!